A love of ice and fire

He sketched her silhouette in bed
"so i'll always remember," he said
but she couldnt understand his mind
he painted her to forget he was blind

Her infectious giggle
he tried to capture the essence of her charm
he sketched her, dying a little
with each new stroke, love dealt harm

She said, "Show me what you've got"
but his wounded heart had begun to clot
he had to hide that he was sick
her magical portrait was fading quick

What would he miss the most?
how could he illustrate what he felt?
almost as if he'd loved a ghost
he sketched her knowing she'd soon melt.

Climbing rocks

Careful!
she's got claws this lady
hell no! you cant have my baby
black cat in the still night
purr, kitten, purr
watch her try to put up a fight
err, human is to err
climbed in through the windows
both of us strays
happiness fades, misery stays
climbed in and licked my thin toes
quite kinky
wrapped me round her pinkie
climbed to the top of the roof
cold air
set against the life of a solitaire
climbed up off the rocks
reversing clocks
familiar warmth in a bubble-wrapped box.


For Painkiller J... consider me your bubble wrap.

Her testimony

"...for acts egregious..."
i'm quoting from the papers you filed
Lord, Jesus...
who are you to call me vile?!
After all the years we spent
through job promotions to when we had no rent
i stayed
sleepless nights not knowing where you went
i prayed
and somehow thats egregious?
Heavens please us!
You were right in one thing:
I will fight for every cent
did i ever leave you wanting?
swear it now in front of the judge
when you were groaning and panting
were you ever short of love?
No, you just weren't clever
i let your cheating go on forever
and your thanks is to take me to court?
Isnt that egregious thanks for my support?
But i wont be the fool
cooked your meals, took Junior to school
massages, fanned you when you were hot...
you're gonna pay me everything you've got
and you will get me everything you dont
for go on playing the fool, i wont
claiming you loved me without returning proof
too long, i've ignored the burning truth
And of course
you thank me by filing for divorce
Suddenly realising that our son needs us
He's needed us for the twelve years since he was born!
Your Honour, i submit his love as the act egregious
for it has turned me to a woman scorned.

HIs Testimony

Not my son

please

here, you have me on my knees
i know
go on, smile
enjoy the show
here, is this what you want?
public humiliation for me?
you vile fucking cunt
no wait, no, i'm sorry
your honour, ladies and gents
strike that
i havent slept in a while
she's egging me on cos she knows i'll bite back
thats her style
but i'm not here for the dollars and cents
i want only my son
thats it, my son and i'm done
are you pleased with yourself?
dragging our boy through this shit
he's only...-yeah, pardon me for that-
he's only twelve
oh, you probably forgot
do you really think he can handle it?
think of his health
see, you cant raise him on your own
a job? i'll get a job TODAY
or a fucking loan
yes, i'll make up for the child support i have to pay
is it always about the money
you fucking bitch
sorry
fucking... sorry its just funny
your new man is bloody rich
and you're sweating me for a few hundred?
you heard what the fuck i said!
sor-.... no wait...she's...
let me finish before the verdict is read
please
judge, members of the jury
i want only my son
but hell hath no fury.

In the thick of it

They took the capital by night
reports suggest heavy losses
on both sides
as the situation worsens
loss of anonymous lives
the malnourished kids versus
the land owning bosses
i can report there was indeed a fight
(not a massacre as they'd predicted)
an all out war in this "third world" nation
presidential advisers will puzzle over their miscalculation
thousands, tens of thousands evicted
from their homes
only they cant seek refuge in superdomes
reports coming in...
scattered reports of mortar fire
in a land that bears martyrs for hire
the heroes cant win
only the just
visibility impaired by a cloud of dust
one can barely make out the moon
reporting live, more to come, stay tuned.....

Recurring thoughts

Complexity
is not having you next to me
wish i could take it all back
get some rest-
whats this vice-like pain to the chest?
My God! i think i'm having a heart attack!
and your face is all i want to see
before i'm gone
your beautiful face crying for me
knowing i've been wrong
my entire left side's gone numb
all i have is the memory of your voice
baby, we dont get to make a retrospective choice
but is it too late to say i was a dumb
stupid, shitheaded bastard jerk?
maybe if i.... if i could just...
no, sympathy wont work
i'm blacking out, dust to dust
i've figured out... i've.....
listen
i was only alive....
there's so much in my head
.... only alive because of that thing you said:

Complexity
is recurring thoughts of you vexing me

and this is as plain a letter as i can write
dust to dust, goodbye sweet night

Legacy

Dont speak to me of destiny, you hypocrite
if fate spells doom its best to be illiterate
invest in me
let your love bloom and manifest in me
you've been blessed with me
so to disrespect would be like bless-phemy
its your quest to see
the world doesnt think more or less of me
than i am
just a man
bangin out his master plan
resurrect in me
the best of me
and damn whats left of me
there's nothing left to see
give all you can
the rest is free.

Land of the mulatto

Ah ah! these ones dont grind corn
they eat "cornflakes" out of boxes
i wonder where they were born
i'm like a jackal in a country of foxes

Eh mama! check their skin
oba how do they be so thin?
me let me admire their figures
nanti some of us are black, some niggers

Even their language is a secret
where ervery worrrrd hars arn erxtra "r"
they walk like soil hasn't touched their feet yet
us all we have is who we are

But its like their hearts are broken
like they miss home or they've forgotten
after so long again our paths crossed
bambi, i think they must have been lost.

Childhood Skates

Dont forget to kiss her goodnight
right before you turn out the light
put your lips to her ear and say:
"I die each sleep you go away,
i bleed when i cant dream of you..."
and a million other sweet things untrue
but try to mean it

you dont have to be honest to be sincere

just tell her you love her while she's still here
cos one day you wake up and cant recall
why you even bother to open your eyes at all

And if she loves to dance
then now's your chance to sweep her off her happy feet
do your best to make her fantasies complete
and search for all the things she's yearning for
its the little things that wound the core
for when you're no longer her private dancer
you'll observe how love becomes a cancer
but you wont want the cure
just tell her you love her while you're still sure

The fights, oh! relish the fights
when she's left
Paris will dim to blurry lights
and you'll remember how she wept

those tears are yours on demand

when the delicacies of the world taste of sand
you'll search for her reflection in the plates
cherish her like a pair of childhood roller-skates
for one night you wake up alone and then
you'll fight sorrows just to live
once you realise she will never be here again
"a bright tomorrow" is just a myth

The Proposal

The callous sun beats down on him like a bully
one eye open: "what hour of the day is it?"
barely there, he can not stretch himself out fully
ringing headache like a stray cat back to visit

The aftertaste of courage seeps out his ears
stupid ring in his palm stares back at him defiant
refusing to misplace itself amongst his fears
he planned to bail but fate had long snared its client

In time her train pulls into the station
foggy steam blackening the already gray sky
one never is quite prepared for such a situation
we skip the "how?" and merely cater to the "why?"

Throngs fliter out, the tension is numbing
"Who the hell are all these people who are not you?"
Suddenly, he remembers that she's not coming
he never knew her, never let himself want to

He just tried to do what he knew was right
no matter how much beer he needed to do it
he'd waited all day and drank through the night
she wasn't coming and at least now he knew it

To think that love weighed no more than a hollow ring
he tossed it where nothing good would ever grow
and closed his eye hoping death would be following
"You're not coming and at least now i know."

Remember we

Even rocks bleed
here we tryin to paint the moon
but Jaja done plant the seed
soon, freedom come soon

O the earth not gon' tremble
me no humbug from the pain
great grandchildren all assemble
rain, Lord let it rain

Dusty drums recall the echo
sun dried memory fade away
the time has come to let go
today, we free today

Pillow Talk

Let me rest
What? what is it you want to hear?
that i found you almost attractive- at best!-
after several rounds of beer?

I'm using you

needed to clear my head
you're just a rest stop i'm cruising through
on MY way to MY half empty bed

I was horny, you were willing
its not like we're mar-...what am i killing?
the mood? i'm killing the MOOD?
trying to sleep here and you're just being rude!

I'm using you
its not easy getting over a goddess
you give yourself away without choosing to
like you did to me... look: i'm just being honest

Yes, you were better than good, you were great!
is this gun-point flattery why you're keeping me awake?
I mean you already kinda, sorta helped me recapture my youth
there's no more need to pretend, so here is the truth:

I am using you
to get over losing She
I'm abusing you
to bury the wounds in me

Dropped call

If flowers never again should bloom
then drowsy whispers bespelled their doom
may tears of penitence flood the earth
so one should learn a woman's true worth

If i'm nevermore blessed with that voice
then i shatter my own ear drums by choice
and shed my skin in spiritual rebirth
so one should learn a true woman's worth

If, indeed, the phone line's gone dead
then one grows rocks where hearts are bred
while his youth longs for its days of mirth
left contemplating the truth of a woman's worth

Perfect fit

Let me to my misery for at least she is faithful

I dont want you
I want misery because she never leaves
you are temperamental but she haunts my every dream
whispering to me, even as she breaks my heart
"Misery will be your only company, we will never part."

So to hell with you and your tears of joy
and those mood conditioned hugs
i'm eternally misery's boy
because i am who misery loves.

State of Grace

You are losing friends
living as the means to an end
come close
i will love you where you hurt the most
love you in all my splendour
offer absolution through holy ghosts
say after me: "i surrender"

the world is left in ashes
force one tear passed your eyelashes
and i will save your soul
weep for me and i will rescue you whole
save for that unwashable human stain
which will in leaded blood remain

but i am you and You set free
will You spare some absolution for me?

Back in time

Imagine seeing how time aged
Never afraid, never deathly intimate
I stand here truly amazed
Not awestruck, no.... dazed infinite

Cant help thinking about you and that doesnt bother me anymore
I resign to being a living sore.

1439

Cant always be about what i want
but you wont teach me to give you what you need
I'm trapped on Mars, babe
what's a kiss worth if it aint ours, babe?
Would have never pegged you for a quitter
i guess you could say i'm bitter
thats probably the best way to describe how i feel
bitter that what we had wasnt there, wasnt real

except for one minute

when you made my every wish come true
and promised me an eternity with you
we'd never even met
but its how that one minute felt that i cant forget
knowing you fully believed in me
might seem silly now but back then we were free
and all we had was a dream of a 50's lounge
somewhere in space... how weird that all sounds

just for one minute i had all i wanted in mnd
yet it cant be about what i want all the time
so i block you out for all the other 1439
but for a minute each day, i relive when you were mine.

The battle of the alleycats

I wished he'd just kick me in the butt
cos if i felt something, i'd know i wasnt a fluke
he read my mind but kicked me in the gut
asked how i felt, i said," like puke."

He said i looked like it too
like the heavens had barfed me onto platea
what if it was just something i was going through
he had no right to call me out like he was a soothsayer

I explained to him i had lost a goddess
he didnt appreciate me being honest
so he told me the most truthful lie
he said,"we are all born to die."

He said,"Hearts are given so we can feel the pain,
the sun is only here to illuminate the rain..."
and he just went on and on kickin knowledge
he didnt realise i didnt need to go to college
to know that i was a victim of his hustle
"i dont lift weights, i just flex my brain muscle"

But he still wasnt impressed by my ironic wit
he kicked my chair across the room while i was on it
thus began the battle of the alleycats
i hoped he'd just beat me up badly, fast
cos i was tired of remembering her sleepy voice
i let him kick my ass like i didnt have a choice
just let the pain overwhelm me till i became someone else

-then ma turned on the light and yelled, "Quit fighting with yourself!"

Inanimate love prank

Your shower cap?
That was cruel but funny
you took my cars, my house, my money
but to leave that plastic abomination of water-proof hair net...
that stung
still such a drastic confirmation that you weren't quite there yet
still not over me
left it there so i could see
and do what?
Regret?
How many fights?
How many curse filled nights did we waste arguing over that elastic banded,
heavily-decorated-in-flower crap?
Yes, i'm talking about your lonely shower cap
I'd let it drop to the floor, you'd get mad and BAM!
You'd give me a power slap
But damn....
you left no scars
What if your shower cap was sorry it had let you down?
You cant just abandon your things like that
your lonesome shower cap NEEDS you back
you left it there to haunt and ruin me
quite funny, indeed, but laden with cruelty
your shower cap's sure doing its job, no doubt about it
here's hoping your hair falls out without it.

The Painter (Version 2)

If only I'd mastered the art of brushstrokes
I'd paint over this canvas of crushed hopes
and replace it with a happy ending
instead of spending a neverending
heartbreak lost, wishing and waiting
for something thats not even real
anticipating an illusion
because no matter what or how i feel

you're just a magic trick

you are love, perfect as I imagined it
but what's tragic is
I was born of few talents

If only I could learn to paint
I'd give you everything in the world I aint.

Speak on it

Check out my ice but dont get lost in the reflection
i know its tempting but dont try to get your theft on
dont wanna mess with impenetrable, i'm nice like teflon
read the bible the other day, Jesus got his wept on
they crucified him on a cross that his body was kept on
but thats life, man, dont over reflect on it
you'll bleed it dry till aint nothin left on it
this life here is the mission that i got sent on
but i got dreams of my own that i'm hell bent on
my dreams are straight crooked, got my straight bent on
saw a ticket to Mars so i got my went on
momma kicked me out the house, had to get my rent on
so what if it meant moonlighting at McD's and gettin my swept on?
if they trample on your rights, brother, just get your left on
time to make moves, need to get my cent on
you leave your mark, son, i'm a get my dent on.

Bantuman: The interrogation of Steve Biko

I go where i like
this is my country, that is my right
we're browner than black but you're pinker than white
this is my skin, that is my fight

Who are you to measure my worth?
that is my soul, man, this is our earth
slap my face and spit on my shirt
this is my country, that is my hurt

All you've done is sell us lies
that was your truth but these are our eyes
and now the time has come for us to rise
for this is our country and we have our pride.

Bantuman II: The Murder of Steve Biko

They starved and beat him to death
were you expecting something poetic?
they robbed him of a dignified last breath
in fact, his death was kind of pathetic

But his life

just to hear the lion speak
would reassure you that you are not weak
that white or black
you could die submissive
or fighting back

No, his life they could not diminish
The measure of a man is how he lives
and not how he finished
Thus Biko is more men than most
they crucified his body
but long lives his ghost
and the consciousness he imprinted upon us
his death was a blasphemy, if i can be honest

But his life

the truth he taught us to seek
we are weakened but we are not weak!
Biko loved
and Biko was loved by many
richer than most yet he had not a penny
he had the roar of our fathers down the ages
they tried to break him systematically in stages
but they could not break his words inside us
they could not take his spirit that stands beside us
and whispers the cry of war
we cried till we could cry no more
Oh when they took him, his people cried
but we were reborn the day Biko died.

In search of a muse

Its making me want more
cos i dont feel worthy
finding someone worth dying for
where i know death wont hurt me
I dont know where to stand
so that you'll see me as a man
so i just build
and hope your heart is filled

They say to look out for signs
that love is spelled out in the cosmos
ours reads:"headed for troubled times!"
but signs like this tend to cause those
What is it about past mistakes?
cant see if your heart mends or breaks
so i just love
and hope that I'm enough

Whats the point if we cant take a chance?
i'll plant the seeds and pray they grow
close my eyes and watch you dance
my muse, and you dont even know
cant let things go to waste
a world of hurt is worth the taste
yet i'm still confused to see
shreds of the man i used to be.

Smiles in retrospect

Hair flowing down her back
je sais plus
but her smile
why am i so weak?
Am i weakened or just wicked?

On dirais que j'etais deja tombee
mais je me battre encore
because i know i can be better
its just the smile
one i've seen before
and know quite well how much misery it holds

J'en sais plus rien
et en plus, je ne voudrais rien savoir
parce que quand elle sourit
nothing i know matters
knowledge is no power
see i've been here before
not too long ago
et je ne souris plus.

Lilac

I hit send when i know i shouldnt
you're my favourite mistake
think of you when i'm sleeping
dream of you when i'm awake

I dont wanna fight
but you insist on being conquered
lets do this right
love should be co-sponsored

Hesitiation
i can spot it from a mile away
what does it mean for me
to love you a smile a day?

Its just i've been here before
i've kinda seen how this ends
lets stop while we can
and just be friends

No, i'm not chicken
you just dont know what i do
the truth is a bitter pill
but you shouldnt be lied to

This will hurt
but the way you're smiling at me now
says i cant give you up
dont want to, dont know how

Fuck it, life's too short
promise you'll have my back
just before you knock me out
i could swear i smelt lilacs.

Shorts 2

Dont wait for paradise
been there and it wasnt that nice
wasnt that bad but it could have been better
would have been heaven if we'd been there together.

The Painter

These hands are all i have
so when you said i had enough
how could i help but fall in love?

Back when you still believed
i could do things i was yet to achieve
back when you were able to see
the man inside i hoped to be

Remember when?
We dreamed of love back then
of painting animals down the small of your back
dreams that in time derailed off track

No one else understands
they claim i left you hurt and tainted
but all they see is these hands
and not the world they could have painted.

The vibrator ( or why i stopped loving hip hop)

You used to turn me on
on my block
because i'm a gangsta
and i wanna thank ya
for making moves
seducing me with your grooves
for fucking me
then chucking me

Hip hop is dead
but its rhythm lives inside my head
the day before yesterday was Wed-
nesday
thats the phonetic pronunciation
and this is my poetic urban creation
even though it sounds absurd
everything you've heard
was planned and plotted down to the last word
you better act like you know it
signed, yours truly, the angry poet.

Break Through

I'll stare first
you sit there
I've this rare thirst
to be a player
you say something
I'll say a prayer first
stop laughing
i know its a rare verse
believe me many fare worse
you laugh like an angel
stop it! i know what you're doing
warning signs of DANGER
i'm who's meant to do the wooing
tell me one of your secret dreams
oh! i cant believe you just said that!
is this really what it seems?
i didn't even hear what you said last
wait-

does this mean we're falling in love?

Cry Baby

Flies, way too many flies
where in hell is his mother?
he cries, louder and louder he cries
no one's brave enough to bother

to lend a helping hand
oh, i understand

its cold, this world we're in is cold
he'd rather learn that here than tomorrow
when he's old, it'll make sense when he's old
how we all feed off of his sorrow.

Serve chilled.

How did he die?
but she would not tell
she would not cry
"You can all go to hell!"

Though his wounds were surface
her sorrow was deep
"Today we serve our purpose
tomorrow we sleep."

Still she would not shed a tear
pulling her lover's corpse to her side
she put her lips to his lifeless ear
"I forgive you, i'm just sorry you lied."

Then the poison in her blood dissolved
so two lives that night abruptly ended
as for motives of murder still unresolved
the truth would come to light as she'd intended

A suicide note was found without hassle
tucked safely in the death grip of her hand;
"Every man wants to be king of his castle
and each woman the most beautiful in the land."

I cant say murder

Cocoa skin
despite how much coffee she drinks
the way she looked that night
made the stars shine especially bright
the gods were right not to let me in
i didnt win
but no matter what i think
I cant say murder

I know where she's sore
but does whe understand
what it means to be a man?
the youth i'd have to give up
expectations to which i cant live up
I wished i was more
after i saw her that night
i could have given up my sight
but no matter how hard i fight
I cant say murder

I lost her
because i wouldnt play second fiddle
to everything else in her universe
I lost her when i put me first
seeing her that night i died a little
and felt like such an impostor
you should have seen her, like she was made of light
but no matter what i feel is right
I cant say murder

See that night i saw her pain
and couldnt believe i was its source
how does unrequited love morph into undesired force?
we should have just danced in the rain
cos she looked like magic in the moonlight
but i understood something, seeing her that doomed night
I couldnt make her happy so instead i just hurt her
they'll try to say i killed her but i still cant say its murder.


*Special thanks to Nice for that inspiring title. Hope you get to see this someday.

The Fog

It's been countless hours since my last taste
what a sadly ironic way to go to waste

but I'm getting better now

roughed the darkness redefining my rhythm
clearing you out of my system
and waking's still not easy
believe me
still gotta pry these eyes open
every single morning of each day
knowing there'll be no surprises, no point in hoping
just phantoms forming every which way

You are in the thick of the fog

I let you in too deep
let you seep into my core network
and the deeper you got, the more it hurt
to not be able to breathe you in
so I've had to re-learn how to breathe again
it's the simplest thing but just not easy
i'm in control, i see you and control leaves me

that's when my hands start to shake
conjuring up our past
i slip into a relapse
so it's still hard to wake

or even hear your name mentioned in passing
getting over you is a battle everlasting
the appeal of you is so blinding of others
got me trapped in a fog in a world full of colours

but they say i'm getting better now

that somewhere inside, i have headlights to cut through the murk
it takes swallowing pride to get this to work
i gotta not whine or moan or bitch
or complain or whatever you wanna call it

Thank you all, my name's Rich
and i'm a recovering alcoholic.

24

*The following takes place between 2.00 p.m, April 5th 1983 and 2.00 p.m, April 5th 2007



I came, I saw, I cried
probably cos that nasty guy was slapping my ass
I said, "Relax, Doc, relax"
obviously no one taught him how to throw a welcome party
i started screaming, shitting, pissing, eating and farting
and giving my parents all kinds of regret
days of wickedness i was lucky enough to forget
i rejected milk from the breast
Doc said it was best but i didnt trust him
if I had known the words i would have cussed him
and cursed the day i slipped into this earth
pay attention; that was the first birth.

I dont remember saying goodbye to my mother
i figured one lap was just as good as another
so i was content to board that plane
not foreseeing my life would always remain
a little bit out of the norm
slightly disfigured out of its regular form
because of that transcontinental flight
from infantile warmth to eternal night
out of her arms i'm told i was torn
this would be the second time i was born.

One yellow duck, sweet pepsi and loads of bugs
still a childhood filled with love and a few hugs
too young to roll with the thugs, i learned to read
and write and ride my bike, thats all i would need
as long as i could dwell in my brother's shadow
and never have to swim out passed the shallows
more planes, a train and a talking car
the jetset life for a kid leaves a lifelong scar
i super mario'd my way into pre-adolescence
where i learned one of life's hardest lessons
that there are no shadows when the room goes dark
so when big bro left i had to grow another heart
watching him and my sister leave must have been the worst day
upto that point in my life, which i will label my 3rd rebirth day.



New countries, new schools and new mistakes
who writes the rules that the rebel breaks?
i remember going in for my first kiss
eagerness and inexperience equals near miss
but no one saw so no one knew
phew!- what hell puberty is to go through
already wondering what life might have been had I left
almost as if fate had committed some grand theft
by robbing me of my balance of awkward confrontations
so i decided to become a part of the hip hop nation
but then Pac died, Biggie died and Ma$e got saved
as if the musical mirage around me suddenly caved
for the first time death almost seemed possible
we can consider this the 4th time i came home from the hospital.

Only one girl has had the power to break my heart
but she didnt have it in her to make me a cynic
so i belong to her forever, if only in part
for not sending me off to heartbreak clinic
we started dating the day we met
just like that, we just seemed to connect
and i could have spent years in that puppy love
and pretended that i was actually lucky enough
to always love the way she looked after me
but there was a burning truth i just had to see
and the truth hurts when its true she wont put you first
i learnt that breaking up is truly the worst
when there's been no fight or lovers' spat
years later i would be forced to re-live just that
but for then and for always she'll be my first cut
deep, lingering and heartwarming to look at
love you always, Angel, for whatever that's worth
this would count as my 5th new birth.

I was crushed by several painful crushes
never quite found love despite a few close brushes
skipped town and headed for the snowy land
where i struggled for much longer than i understand
one of man's greatest strengths is denial
because that leads to trial and retrial
never getting any closer to success
but remaining convinced that failure hurts less
and less with each step closer to the grave
i searched desperately for some soul i could save
and in that way fulfill my duty as God's invention
and then magically vanish into the next dimension
like Jesus did, except He had much cooler powers
so i gave up and just killed the hours
getting fat and growing my facial hair
i'd close my eyes and pretend i wasnt there
that i'd been sent to some isolated space station, to man it
then i'd open my eyes and for the 6th time, re-enter this planet.

Tough choices, dumb mistakes and not much learned
i burned down bridges when i left home
that i was forced to rebuild when i returned
because the streets are no place to live alone
and despite not having a clue as to where to go
i knew the things i certainly knew i didnt want to know
and distracted myself with that little bit of disinformation
took that time off for some spiritual reformation
discovered blogging and became a recluse
figured "unlimited cyberspace? might as well put it to good use."
meanwhile my life was going down the crapper
i, who once had the potential to be smart and look dapper
had somehow pissed away any friend i had ever had
at this point i had a deep one-on-one with my dad
and right in time, for i had been on the verge of submission
but he helped me quit all my whining and dumb bitching
and pick my life up out of the sewer
my 7th rebirth, my lives getting shorter and fewer.

After that, i was thrown into a different state of limbo
where i was "almost there" and always would be
i'd daydream of grasshoppers and kimbo
and thank Gman upstairs for setting me free
moved around abit more, resucitated my existance
life is tough and you gotta learn to be persistent
because maybe there IS something out there worth the struggle
you cant let rainy days just burst your bubble
i found my life filled with such mantras and sayings
it turns out Gman was listening to me praying
cos its about then i met my electrolove
who brought me back from a scary place
with the warmth of her voice and the smile on her face
and the exquisite beauty of her unique soul
for the first time in forever i began to feel whole
but "almost there" and yet never quite
suddenly it seemed that salvation was retreating into the night-


then time exploded and i ended up right here
my past a hangover and the future unclear
alone in a room, just me and my ghosts
started typing it out and this is what i wrote
never having a clue as to when or how the story ends
but I guess the truth is that it all depends
on how i'll feel when i open my eyes,
win or lose, the fun is in the surprise.

The Last Dying Star

A wounded boy floating loose in space
was amazed to come upon a dying star
and loving how its light felt upon his face
he forgot his every burning scar

So he took it, stole it right out of the sky
heading for an oasis hidden in the desert
hoping to make it there before his star should die
he prayed that the moon would heal its hurt

Now the heavens thundered learning of this theft
and sent down torrents to avenge the crime
but on seeing that the star was all the boy had left
the rains carried them safely to the edge of time

Where they were let into the heart of a supernova
to rest safely in the bosom of creation
yet the boy, seeing his star's life was nearly over
was forced to carry on to their destination

By now every creature had heard of their flight
every animal, every tree and every grain of sand
such that at each step closer to the desert light
the boy and his star found a helping hand

But when at once the star's light extinguished
all of nature shed tears of utter disbelief
and the boy disappeared as his star had wished
carrying nothing with him but grief

They wont say what became of that wounded child
or how long he survived the desert sun
but i hear he still cries out there in the wild
counting the stars and missing just one.

True Crime

I had to stab you in the heart
and make sure the blood would never cease its flow
that my tree would never grow
from where i yanked the roots apart

it's the only way, don't you see?
to be free of me, just to Be

i had to sting you in the eye
to shoot and watch you die
knowing i pulled the trigger
so that no matter how much i pled
if you lived or returned from the dead
you would never turn forgiver

You would never take me back
i had to shed your trust
and make sure you would crumble into the dust
at the ferocity of my attack
the only way to save your life
was to taint you in hatred and strife

its the only time my love was true
this morning when i murdered you.

Lemonade

Tearing away at my fabric
the magic's in absentia
drowning in dementia
sitting by the phone
standing, pacing, suffocating
facing the closeness of being alone
waking, thinking, breaking down
lying here waiting to be found

and it's empty

the clock tick tocks in casacades
i block out all the lip locks of past days
and turn bitter
not knowing who to blame for the growing pain
its a crap shoot and we crapped out
the type of dispute we laughed about

water under the bridge
hang in there, kid
water over the damn
's the only way i know to be a man

The Brew

I'm sick of being the villain in this fairytale
hocus pocus, gotta keep focused
the same ole, same ole's turned very stale
maybe there's just not enough love for both of us

so i hit the brew
its the only way to keep from thinking of you
and thinking i'm wrong

Is she eyeing me, this saucy minx?
Methinks she is so I play it cool
I'm no fool but- Oh! how this stinks!
I love my girl so i turn my stool
and face the other end of the bar

but not too far

just enough so i am not cheating
and, damn, is my heart beating
pumping, thumping, bursting
first things first-

i can offer her a drink
and if worst comes to worst
if it hits the fan before i have time to think
it'll atleast cure my self-destructive thirst
cos lets face it, clean or sober
we both know this is over
but we play masquerades
yet i never took to such charades

the minx is still eying me and i eye her back
she bends over and i eye her rack
that was intentional, most conventional
easiest way to trap a fly
is to slap it in the eye
and boy am i drunk!
this minx's got me super funked

so i'm sorry now for what i'm about to do
the wierdest thing's just struck me true
right before i crossed salvation into taboo
my very last thought was of hurting you.

Jess

She liked to wear her hair in curls
that was her thing
I didnt sing much about it
just tried to give her the world

she wouldnt take it
she believed that i could make it
she'd say, "tomorrow is yours for the taking"

Do you know what its like to have someone believe in you
especially when there seems no reason to
except for that spark of magic they see in you
her faith was all i had to to see me through

Yet i never told her
I look back on it now that I'm older
and i know it was best to let it go to waste
because just maybe her faith was misplaced

just like the curls she loved to wear
i spent hours longing to touch her hair
and now when i pull out this photo of us and stare
i see who she thought i was and wish i was there.

Time Machine

I used to count the hours
and have to take cold showers
cos of the spiritual hold you had on me

Now i'm without a clue
of whats going on with you
and whether or not you still want us to be

I'm having trouble manipulating time
so this is me hoping for a sign.

The Forgotten

Imagine if Barbara Jean looked more like Baby Jane
or if I was born mean and chose to stay the same
would i still have a shot of making it to paradise
i say you cant achieve alot by faking being nice
you gotta say something and put yourself on the map
shoot hoops, be a teacher, save a life or rap
but say something before you lose the power to speak
this is the hour, life is now, those are the stars now reach
this is for all those who found the courage to fight back
i know it might sound hurried but this is the right track
its the song of the revolution coming your way
its wrong but I've made a resolution to stay
and say something that counts
because all we be amounts to squat, zip, zero
show me a fallen hero and I'll show you disloyal fans
you dont need to shake royal hands to change the world
the future lies in the plans of every little boy and girl
every street urchin and outlaw, every crook and the forgotten
this beat we workin got me hurtin, lookin at rock bottom
paging God, thinkin I got Him then being left on hold
its time to fold up those dreams and have this story retold
cos I'm the writer, I'm the fighter and I decide what's true
Barabara Jean or Baby Jane, the choice is up to me and you.

Her favourite toy

She keeps me propped against the wall
looking down on her other trinkets
she knows i see them, i see them all
it angers me so i try not to think it
cos i'm the one she loves the best
spends more time with me than the rest
and that should be enough, right?
maybe she doesnt play with me every night
but I'm her favourite, she said so
do you know how special that is?

its like.... its like.... REALLY special, okay?

its just there's never enough room for her to play
with me and the rest of her INSIGNIFICANT playthings
see, we worked it out such that she can cater to her cravings
just as long as it's me she loves the most
i can look them in the eyes and boast-

no, .....we didnt set it down in stone
or sign a contract
but when we make contact
i know i could never again play alone
that's not the same as being misused
hey, I'm a GROWN ASS MAN and this is what i choose

-well not a man but sure as hell a grown ass toy
just sometimes wishing I was a real boy.

The Songstress

I'm drawn in from the streets by her song
my hurting feet know no sleep, nights are long
when you're a hobo trying to sell a jazz tune
in a city as lit up as a Topaz moon
I've never been to this lounge
they dont let hounds like me in
not in this town
but tonight the crowds are thin
one can barley make out the stage through the smoke
these people drink and choke on their struggles with hope
their battles with age bury them in fear
they chatter on too busy to hear

The lady's got so much soul

she bores a hole right through me
as she makes love to jazz through her microphone
the saxman guides her and the night along
the blind man taps away at his ivory keys
but she sings to me and i freeze
how does she know the things she sings
buried deep beneath where no one sees
she sings to me of troubles i have lived
i plead for her to please forgive
and sing me a new song to change my days
the blisters on my feet just fade away
down to the ground where they cant be found
because of the magic of her sound

This lady's got so much soul

i'm the only one she's singing to
the crowd drowns out to obscurity
and everthing she sings is true
this songbird's voice is curing me
she was luring me in to her club
cos she longed for jazz and i yearned for love
now i'm all she has and all she needs
thats how she knows the things she sees
I can lose myself inside her lyrics
so she'll never again sing alone
cos when she sings, only I can hear it
that's how i know I've found my home

My lady's got so much soul.

Freefall Mechanics

We dont choose

its vital to absorb this one fact
or else each step will be two steps back
and its only after you have lost your mind
that it will occur to you to pause and rewind
by which time it'll be far too late
for love doesnt wait
or give second chances
there's no such thing as resuscitated romances
love never dies, it just changes
thus ex-lovers wind up strangers
only till some trivial item triggers a lost memory
then they risk that one night at the cost of everything
and just let themselves devolve into an unholy mess
that's what happens when the young confuse love with loneliness
so listen to my every word
such that if it be the last thing you ever heard
then nothing else would be worth being said
listen to me before love is dead
there is only so much we can control
but you gotta lose it first to win it all
there's no way to make myself understood
yet sounding crazy can do some good
when speaking of insanity as a manifestation
of your seemingly inextricable situation
pay attention because i have stumbled upon the key
to letting go and flying free
see when i confronted my deepest fears and panics
it was revealed to me the secret of freefall mechanics:

We dont choose who we love

we stand on the edge of the cliff and dive
and should we die, at least we'll know we were alive
which means destined or befated, we cant lose
as for who holds the keys to our hearts, we cant choose.

The Lorry Driver's Mistress.

I told her

because no one should be a substitute
a seat filler, second choice prostitute
for the desires of such a needy man
some nights I just need his hands
to rub away thoughts of my seedless plans
my past mistakes and those still to come
to erase any trace of where I'm from
to drive his lorry across my plains
camoflouge dejection among orgasmic stains
its miraculous what the touch of a human hand can do
if I could rip the heart of that woman's man in two
I'd keep a half for myself and our little bastard.

I told her

maybe just to see the look on her face
see this kind of love leaves a sour taste
3 hearts in love means one goes to waste
I might lose out, hell, I took a chance
just couldnt stand any longer to watch them dance
and wish that I was the one on the ballroom floor
that I was the pride of the gala not the midnight whore
it hurts, to love so much that you grow five hearts
to forget who you are but only be loved back in parts
every night I vow it's my last mistake
I watch him sleep in my bed till at last he wakes
then he reaches for my heart as, alas, it breaks
knowing love doesnt heed to "void passed this date."

I told her

because no one deserves to be
a substitute for love, no, not even me.

Brink state of mind.

Some days i wish you'd never said
that sweet unrest inside my head
the words you spoke on which i choke:

"I love you, Rich, i love you broke,
my shield and spear, i love you true."

Just so we're clear, i love you too

but we cant dream the end to remake the start
so just how does one break a heart?
Do we sleep together but wake apart?
Or say forever then fake the art?
Because love is to be appreciated,
respected, honoured and non-negotiated

yet I've seen you cry
how does one begin to say goodbye?

Some days leave blisters across my skin
and the moonlight whispers: "You've lost again"
give me amnesia, give me some help,
how does one do this to someone else?

Do i kiss your tears and hold mine back?
dismiss your fears of dying old and fat
and alone?
How does one tear down a home?
How does one go through the motions?
Cry me a river, flood me an ocean,
drown me in this blissful commotion
wash the hurt away.

So here i stand on the brink,
gravely wounded and losing Ink
i wish i had more time to think
to imagine how you feel at night
in the rain, in the sun,
when you're wrong, when you're right
does happines learn to decieve?

Or do i just open the door and leave?

Encore of the one man show.

Salutations, Ladies and Gents
Snapshot of the soul proudly presents
for one night only, back by popular demand:
the inevitable self-destruction of a man.

The crowd gasps as they draw back the curtain
a ravishing beauty sits centre left of the stage
only recently a woman thus of deceitful age
there's no way to know but its fairly certain
this young temptress will cause a world of hurtin'.

Our hero walks on stage to centre right
poor boy doesnt even see it coming
the crowd whispers "retreat" but instead of running
he looks to her eyes and understands the use of sight
without drawing his sword, he's lost this fight.

For at a moment's glance he's lost all will
to answer questions he's been asking all his life
it wont matter if he can't make her his wife
the smart crowd understands love is a tainted pill
designed to cure all ailments but secretly intent to kill

And so ensues the required mating game
he approaches her and asks for a dance
she laughs him off but grants him another chance
poor boy cant even remember his own name
the crowd knows his sunsets will never be the same.

The scene shifts swiftly from light to dusk
she makes angels jealous when she sings
the knowing crowd is humbled in the wings
the poor boy no longer knows what to trust
his shadow starts to vanish in the dust.

The desire in him mounts and he turns restless
he's at a loss, from this point, to explain his misdeeds
the crowd understands it, better still, understands his needs
for her silhouette would turn ash rags into the best dress
poor boy never stood a chance against this temptress.

He signs over his name, his land and his god if he could
nothing of this world seems to matter,
nothing, the crowd knows, if he cant have her
and at the taste of a kiss, he's lost for good
only tatters of a man remain where poor boy stood.

There is scattered applause from out of the stands
the knowing crowd wishing they had known wrong
like hoping to change the lyrics of an unpleasant song
perhaps they hoped poor boy would be a stronger man
but there are matters of the heart men just dont understand.

Unforgiven in the diaspora (Vol. IV)

I stay away from mirrors when i cant recognise my face
I've had to erase, rewind, replace and redisign who i am in this place
Son of man or freedom fighter
they should have my portrait on a cigarette lighter
so the world will know how i burn

I will grow in turn, I must
i will show i learned to trust
then misinterprete the signals before me
i've made mistakes and i'm not sorry

I'm The Unforgiven

and to think some men call this living!
Sure, fill me up with ill-intending women
and never-ending booze
you snooze, you lose
but i choose to keep those inebriated hands away from my shirt
for beyond this fine embroidered cotton
is a world of endless hurt
that has no bottom

So why, then, do i stay in this city?
I wonder what happens to all this pity i feel for myself
look at me: still young and in good health
not drowning in wealth but i survive
how come i'm still wishing for that ticket, destination: Alive?
I mean, here's my passport, here's my name
here's my baggage and here's my shame
intials T.U., The Unforgiven
now let me into your land of the living

You know, Life, you can be a pain in the ass
you claim to be a teacher but you ignore your class
and you put me through shit, and you seem to enjoy it
i'll be honest, this limbo stage is getting real annoying
you think i'll give in? think i'll raise the white flag?
I can be a badass, too, the baddest you ever had
see i might be fatigued, scarred, misguided and still doing wrong
but take a good look, you sumamabitch, i'm still going strong.

Christmas Wish

I used to love fanta, man
used to share a bottle with my cousins waitin on the Santaman
but not the fat guy with the presents, red suit and a beard
i'm talking about having my whole family present and near
just pouring out of granny's house, kids spilling into the yard
i'm talking bout the kind of christmas you wont find in a hallmark card
the air filled with the aroma of food enough to feed a nation
boiling in humungous pots watched over by ladies full of jubilation
holding back children creating havoc and building a ravenous hunger
i'm talking about this spell of universal togetherness we seemed to be under
babies screaming, babies yelling, babies laughing and babies crying,
this spirit so beautiful it gave life back to men who were dying
men playing omuweeso and telling ancient jokes
i remember licking at the bottoms of empty fanta bottles and cokes
and starving and waiting and running around to try and forget
until someone yelled out, "Food is ready, come and get!"
and how we raced to fill our stomachs till we douldnt take no more
yet we went on eating till our tummies were sore
and endless relatives who seemed to invent themselves for that day
they came out in record numbers but no one got turned away
nobody cared who showed up, no one asked any questions
we came together for that one day and just handed out blessings
there was so much food, mountains of it in jajja's house
but even more than that, there was so much love flowing out
all was forgiven, old wounds were miraculously healed
like nothing could ruin that day, Christmas was like a shield
because it wasnt about the gifts or even the birth of Christ
it was family laughing together and everyone just being nice
just so much food, so much love, so much has changed since then
man, Christmas used to mean something, i remember back when-

-when the air was filled with that beautiful Christmas spirit
still somewhere inside me, every now and then i hear it
so my Christmas wish, dear Angel at the top of my tree
is that this year you could give my childhood Christmas back to me.

The Last Kiss

I'm so at fault

we laid down the rules
locked emotions up in a vault
and threw away the key
but love isnt taught in schools
it is a game for fools
and such a fool is me

we agreed "no strings"
i thought i could work passed this
and it was working
till i got tied up by that list kiss
fell into this madness!

what now?
am i simply to go?
let them know if they know
i cant walk away!
yet after that last kiss
i can not stay
not like this

we've played too long
its not a game if it leaves you sore
i'm so in the wrong
but after that last kiss, i want more

Song of my Indian Flute.

Look how exotically God mixed her spices
in no hurry, he blended curry and coriander leaves
with fresh Basmati rices and look what He achieved:
this insatiable flavour both savoury and sweet
honey marinated meat, tender and tingling to the lips
look how He mastered the sway of her hips
like hills and valleys for me to explore
but that wasnt His grande finale, oh no, there's more
you wont believe what magic her hands can do when they begin
it's like they're wrapped in silk
like God poured jugs full of coconut milk into her skin
cos her hugs wipe away every hurtful blemish and sin
and when she dances
she's got every warrior making bold advances
see when God made her, He gave her a smile to end wars
like a fountain of youth, it heals lost time and mends sores
her tears flow from a mountain of juice,
writing lemon flavoured poems across her cheek
so to hear her speak, i must confess, makes my knees weak
and when she stands before me in full bloom
i cant help thinking of a crystal moon
a real wonder, a miracle
there's no words to describe the spell i feel under
because her deepest beauty is spiritual
see, her masterpiece is her heart
you can tell this is where God chose to start
for all else about her is as resplendant and regal
she is indeed a living angel among people.

In case i dont get to play you my song
know that i love you as the day is long
and you would know this if you'd heard my unhindered lyrics
that boast of kindred spirits and eternal flames
our souls are one and the same
for when, by some infernal shame,
my own perished, your ghost lingered near it
and I became whole again
so in case you dont ever hear me play
know that my love is here to stay
today and everyday.


For my Queen Bee, Ishta N Kutesa and other names: You make me feel like dancing! You're an angel.

Channel Surfing in the diaspora (vol. III)

I hardly ever check the weather
but at least it brings us together
when it rains,
it's supposed to wash away our pains
forever rid us of our childhood stains;
it's time to grow.

All of a sudden
the great safari lands are flooding
Presidents shake hands then do nothing
no one understands;
it's time to grow.

Pharrell's got such tiny eyes
shake your ass, girl, sell their lies
why change the world when you can spread your thighs?
no stones are hurled at my glass house when i hypocriticise;
it's time to grow.

They say there'll be space travel soon
so while refugees starve,
we'll carve faces into gravel on the moon
don't say "refugees", they're people, if you please,
and F.U. "G"'s and F.U. too
no, God bless U2
and Bob, we miss you,
yes, Buffalo Soldier, we miss you
chip on my shoulder but no real issue
wish i was older;
it's time to grow.

It's time to switch off this world of fake pretend
there's no such thing as anonymity
when in close proximity of the end
you're the enemy when there is no friend
it's time, i know that times are strange,
it's time to grow, it's time for change.

Signal flares

Much like the seas, I'm stirred
i gave my word to be in love
to fall in love, I'd have preferred
that Cupid heard my prayers from above
and peeled back layers unrefined
lost in time are words I feel
i'm unreal and going blind
unwinding stairs of steel
that stole my signal flares
i still go there into that hole
though my soul be short of cares
i prepare to fill that role
that hill of coal and tears
where fears are lost into the night
frost gathers spite before it clears
at what cost do we hear the right?
so not tonight, i say goodbye
and try to stay at home
for there are but two ways to die
and i will not die alone.

Pink on brown skin*

You shouldnt bite your lip that way
knowing full well what it does to me
not if it has to be on a bus full of people
but hey, i'ma play your game today.

I make you my one single focus,
no city, no passengers, no bus
just you and your lips, no trouble, no fuss,
slide my hands down your hips, this is so us
always trying to be daring ,but we're too full of caring
to just let ourselves get lost in the moment
yet today feels different, today we own it
that power, that drive that brings things alive
you're my honey and i'm about to raid your hive

A kiss, a lip lock, keep it soft and tender
ow!..you see?! when you bite you become the offender
you're always starting things you think i wont finish
i'ma prove you wrong today, i'ma finally be the ender
you think you're dirty but I'm outright feeling sinnish
i dont care about our passive fans
right now I've got big massive plans
come here, come closer, i can feel your bliss
it's clear, it's over, we're actually doing this

Cant think straight when you've got me in your web
one whiff of your love scent and my senses just ebb
until they're vanished and all my thoughts are in Spanish
me gusto, muy caliente, mas, mas,- no we'll be banished
I mean, if we're caught...oh you should not...
see, now you've gone and pulled me across the line
you know when you nibble on my ear lobe i get lost in time
you're so hot right now, goddamn, you're such a flirt
you know what? fuck it... i venture beyond your skirt
i see you've felt it and now your whole look has turned
its no game anymore, i slip my hand to where you burn
no thoughts of being caught or getting embarassed
it's too hot right now, we're about to be sexually harrassed

and that didnt even rhyme but your breasts are real poetry
you pull me to your chest and you just wont let go of me
what sweet heaven it is to suckle at your works of art
so soft and warm and peaceful that i can feel your heart
and i can feel you start to heat up where it counts
you claw away at me as the pleasure slowly mounts
i riggle about trying to adjust myself to this heat
you are fully ripe and the fruit is sweet
you pound your hand against the bus like you're tapping out in wrestling
the sounds between the two of us foresee the trapping of the best thing
our eyes are locked so we dont see the shock of the bus riders
right now you simply have a need and I am the provider
the bus jumps over of a hump, driver pumps his brakes
with a gruntfilled thump, we bump away at our pleasure aches
you stare deep into my eyes as your lower lip starts to tremble
i see the wolf beneath your skies as the storm starts to assemble
the clouds have swiftly gathered and we can hear the distant thunder
you cling to me at the first drop, hold tight, my queen, we're going under
its troubling, you're bubbling like a wild untameable volcano
you want to hold your cries back but your lips simply cant say no
they say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes goddammmit, YES
the whole bus starts to shudder at our wet success
and when it pours, it floods, it flows, it rains
only i can tell that you're not crying out in pain
you're free, you're flying, its the song of your liberation
soar high above the sky, my angel, beyond the clouds of inspiration
your eyes are shut tight, this is your night, you are like a dream-

a dream, a dream? goddamit! this was all a dream
but it was so real, i could so feel everything that you mean
and everything that you think, i could feel your every desire
but here i sit alone on the bus, frustrated and much inspired
by thoughts of you and what i'll do and how I'll make you pop
and how i'll run my hands across-...oh damn, I've missed my stop!



*Title suggested by my Girlie Brown.

The Lorry Driver's wife

I stay

and let him worship at my temple
see sometimes love is not that simple
we take our chances and make mistakes
we sleep, we wake, we mend, we break
we take and take and hurt and stab
he's the only thing i ever had
that was mine alone and no one else's
so I'm staying because I'm just that selfish
and he's so helpless, he's just a child
you wake up one day no longer young or wild
or tough or happy or lucky or sad
he's mine, the only thing i ever had.

I stay

Dont roll your eyes at me that way
we play and lose or win or grow
i'd rather be in love than know
than know for sure he's breaking my heart
you learn your lines and play your part
or break the rules or make your own
he's much too young to be alone
he's just a child, he'll grow one day
i still love him and so I stay
and ignore the truth and all its harms
to neslte in the illusion of his arms
you dance your slows, you sing along
i love that bastard, he did me wrong.

I stay

cos there's no love left in the world
so if i leave, i'm no one's girl
you fight, you yell, you scream, you bite
but there's no hell as a lonely night
in a haunted house of empty rooms
I shut my mouth to evade that doom
he's just a child, i've seen him cry
he'll change someday, at least he'll try
you type, you write, you scribble on a pad
he's my life, the only one i ever had
and there are only two truths passed "i'm sorry"
you kill the engine or drive that lorry.

The Lorry Driver

She knows

Cant say for sure what gave me away
i get this uncontrollable twitch and start to fumble
just stumble through the day when wrought in confusion
the world i built her was just an illusion
whose walls have begun to crumble
now will she stay?

We didnt do this to each other
she's far more than just a lover
not just another sexy broad i met
she's one i wont forget
i do regret my young mistake
but wont she stay, for heaven's sake?

She knows

and the guilt inside me painfully grows
each time the dj plays our favourite slows
i see in her eyes, she knows
yet she still sways her body to my song
maybe she's known it all along
which maybe means that she might stay
how did we end up this way?

It's too late to say I'm sorry
the story wont speak in my favour
feels like I've been hit by a lorry
Heaven's, she's such a precious flavour
every time she rubs my chest
she was so good to me, really, the best
and now I've thrown that all away
what can i do to make her stay?

She knows

i know she knows and now its clear
Dear God! I've never known such fear
cos when she knows, she's gone for sure
not even Cupid's got this cure
how could i have been so damn possessed?
cos she was TOO good for me, i swear, the best
but i did this, i did the wrong
and she has known it all along.

Loved in the diaspora (Vol II)

I steal a kiss in the dead of the night
dont even wake you to tell you you're beautiful
just drag my weathered bones off at first light
to do my duty because you are dutiful.

And in the evening you'll wash my feet
and conjure up some miracle for me to eat
sweeter than the sweetest song
with which you soothe me all night long.

I watch the city fly by me at day break
growing weary with each further mile
clench my teeth at the muscles that may ache
yet find solace in the magic of your smile

For in the evening you'll cleanse my eyes
and wipe my torso, my legs and my thighs
you'll be sweet as the sweetest song
with which you soothe me all night long.

I drench my shirt in exhaustion and sweat
crushing blistering rocks, choking on sand
my thoughts travel so i can forget
travel to the sanctuary of your hand

In the evening you'll rub my back
comforting me with what the day lacked
then i will listen to your song
with which you soothe me all night long.

You wont ask how my day was spent
for i'll understand how your long day went
laying in each other, this is all we'll do:
whisper together of the world i build you.

In the evenings' the only time i'll truly live
savouring each moment with my sole friend
and right before i'm consumed in the care you give
there'll rise that unfriendly foe once again.

To your secret admirer.

I wanna be in love with you
I wanna fly away to a place where only lovers do the things that lovers do
sorry, but you excite me
mind if i sit...never mind... i'm sitting

look i wanna hold your hand and listen to your life story
and just fall in love with you every single morning
and every night and then again and again and just get lost in you
i wanna spare no cost with you
just lay it all out, lay bare my very soul
and i'm digging myself deeper and deeper into this hole

but i dont care cos i wanna be in love with you
you have no idea what not saying that has been putting me through
i'd choke on three short words because you'd steal my very breath
each time you laughed at my jokes you brought me close to death
cos i couldnt sing the lyrics my heart was singing
you dont know how hard it is to think what i'm thinking
to let myself believe you could love me
i'd self destruct if i thought you would hug me
and miss me and wish you'd said these very words i'm saying
and i no longer know what i'm saying but i'm staying

cos i wanna be in love with you
and maybe someday get the chance
to play my Lover's Only CD and do the sacred dance
where we fuse ourselves into one existance
i press play and you abandon resistance
you nibble, i squeeze, a moan, oooh i love this track
trace my hands across your body till i've learned every arc of your back
and every secret that lies betwen your thighs
someone lets go, someone sighs
as we rock back and forth the uncontollable waves
mounting pleasure, mounting, mounting till it caves
drowning us in ecstatic juices on the jungle floor
i'm getting carried away but i dont care anymore


i just wanna be in love with you
and thats all i wanted to say
i'm feeling much less brave about this now
but it'd be great if you also felt that way.

Troubled in the Diaspora (Vol. I)

Greetings, Ancestors
welcome back to my haunted house;
I thought you had abandoned me for hope.
5+3= America.
There's no tea in my government sugar;
how can i host you, Ancestors,
when the bills I've paid
I've "paid" with borrowed credit on loan?
What was the rhythm of our traditional beat?
I forgot how to shuffle my feet
when I started wearing shoes that were made
for someone with a car.
Am I still your son, Oh Ancestors,
even though I take the metro to night school?
Chicken soup with grilled mushrooms.
Oh Ancestors, I am lost without you...
but I am the one who left,
I'm the one who walked out
and left to build my own

Dreams

that's all they were.

Then Captain Planet kicked Superman's ass
and i began to lose my mind.

The Revolution.

The Revolution was, in fact, televised,
feverishly anticipated and much publicised,
TV land broadcast the birth of a nation
but audiences rushed to switch the station.

Police batons cracked right through civil rights,
we ushered in change with mass choas and mob fights,
all the while being projected onto the TV screen,
it was the greatest show that was, sadly, never seen.

The revolution was, in fact, televised,
widely gossiped about and severely scrutinised
for its free thought, weed smoke, hard rock and funk
and, in the end, the ratings stunk.

We had eyecatching banners and protest signs,
camera crews descended upon us to capture the times,
but the viewers at home would prove less than thankful;
it wasnt long before the new ideas were cancelled.

The Revolution was, in fact, televised
with million man marches pre-scheduled and synchronised,
we had iconic artists fine tune its theme song
yet, somehow, we all still got it wrong.

It gave us Jimi Hendrix, Brother Malcolm and Dr King,
we praised their contributions but then recanted everything,
the Revolution was, in fact, televised, sisters and brothers;
we may have forgotten that it happened, but there will come another.

This was obviously inspired by Gil Scott Heron's timeless anthem, "The Revolution will not be televised" which you can check out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTCQSk2l8bc

The Baptism.

Weep, child
in time your tears will flood the earth
leaving dashed hopes and faded memories
lost, themselves, amongst waves of regret.

Young dreams may survive the storm,
older souls will be reborn
until all the hurt has been restored.

Fortify your disillusioned expectations,
learn once more to believe in mirages;
yesterday is ours to lose, not to forget.

And when your weeping soaks the planet,
when the salt from your tears turns to ash,
a new sun will rise from the embers;
You shall be the light.

Weep, child
in time your pain will drown the earth
taking with it, to the bottom of the ocean,
harkenings of your childhood monsters.

Masts and sails and ships, Ahoy!
eternity, bless my baby boy.

Pride (of the Pencil Pushing Prophet)

There! I finally did what they dared me to
Half of me is still shaking in utter disbelief
And the other half is in some sorry state of denial
Things like this never bring relief.

Walked right into his office and said-
And i didnt even bother to knock-
Said, "Listen up, Mr. King Boss Master,
No more of this elitist nonsense;
Things are going to change, buddy!"

At this point, the weasel was shifting uneasily,
Working out his fast decreasing options,
King Boss Master was facing an uprising
Well beyond what company policy had outlined;
"After today," I continued, lost in a momentary high,
"Relations between us are going to improve,
Despite what your pay check says, guy!"

And sadly, that was it; i walked out of there
Thinking i had struck a blow for the little man.

Actually, i later reflected, no point was made,
Little sense flowed out of my lips into his head;
Left there in a haste to start scanning the classifieds.

The saddest music.

She said her name was Angel
and it wasnt hard to believe
for when she played the saddest music
the heavens gave her audience.

They'd write poems about her voice
yet she chose to sing to me
and when she played the saddest music
the whole world stopped to listen.

Her falling tears created percussion
only angels cried such miracles
cos when she played the saddest music
the oceans fell silent to hear it.

No one ever knew her lyrics
though she sang them every night
but when she played the saddest music
time paused to pay her attention.

If I could hear her song once more
then maybe I could unlearn it
Oh! how she played the saddest music
the sound of a heart as it breaks.

Malehood.

You leave for school
where you learn the first rule
gotta show them you're a fighter
so you learn to bully and order boys
then you graduate, jeans pulled tighter
trade those in for khaki pants and courdoroys
and polished dress shoes, and far much less booze
you find you've actually grown fed up of the club scene
cant dance thinking of bills, so you switch to the pub screen
to watch Premiership football instead of girls shaking their asses
grinding out chain smoked cigarrettes and pondering over their ashes
more frequent Catholic masses to replace spending time with your vanishing friends
you realise you've watched every movie and you always seem to know how it ends
so you take on existentialism and wonder who's been backseat driving your life
you barely recognise your wife who you only notice when you dont have sex
switch from Ray Ban Shades to those dull yet distinguished specs
your body's not exactly what it used to be anymore
any sport activity leaves you writhing on the floor
next thing you know, gotta use a walking cane
until all you know is the ever-increasing pain
forgetting the things you thought you knew
but when did life forget about you?

Moonwalking on Mars.

Darker sister
Of the night,
Nearly close enough
To see my light,
Give me company,
End my sorrow;
Take me to a brighter tomorrow,
Lay with me
Out of time and place,
Very soon
Every star will light up
Your face;
Darker sister
Of the secret pain,
Vacate this joyless planet;
Escape with me to where only
Yesterday's joys remain.

Prayer (of the pencil-pushing prophet)

Black Tea
in the fractured corporate mug
what are you so smug about?
So brave without the slightest clue
as to who you truly are
or of what's in the stars.

Black Free
where the banished warriors roam loose
whose juice is the blood of rocks
without locks or chains on their feet
dance to the beat of time and history
whose memory is an ancient mystery.

Black Tree
regrettably uprooted from my past
too fast a signal of the end
my dying friend who's lost his shade
so now i wade alone through the dark
searching for Noah's lost Ark.

Black Dream
that never gave me a chance
no thanks for all that i've become
I'm done with everything I'm not
we both forgot how to love each other
awake, i have no brother.

Black Sea
that keeps forever the men it swallows
hidden in the shallows left unfound
beneath a mound of invisible sand
where the hopes of men have sunk
you wont hear me for I am drunk.

Provocation (of the pencil-pushing prophet.)

Get yours, get even. -Who said that? Are you in my mind?
Relax, dont have a heart attack, everything will be fine;
for now you can just think of me as a friend,
I'm here to make sure that you get your revenge.

-Get what? Are you crazy? I LOVE my job!
I haven't yet said a thing about work; that's odd,
that you think of your job and think of vengeance
but dont worry, i'm here to win back your independence.

But wait; I cant! I have a wife and kids and a car,
dont you think vengeance is going a little too far?
A family? A cheating wife and kids that call you a loser?
A family you're so ashamed to face that you've become a boozer?

A boss that literally spits in your face
-Not everyday. -Aren't you sick of this place?
This claustrophobic 4 metres by 4 cell,
this cubicle that was designed by my minions in hell?

How I hate it! -You hate it. -How i hate these walls!
Just wanna burn 'em. -Then burn 'em. -Burn every one of these stalls!
I wanna kick my pig-faced superior in his gutless balls
and run his face through the copier and have him take MY calls!

I wanna do all the things I wanna do before I'm dead,
hey pal, hey friend, are you still in my head?
Thanks for giving me the guts to fight these heathens and chores,
I wont take it anymore! -That's right; get even, get yours.

Plight (of the pencil-pushing prophet.)

One more morning for the mundane master
how did your life become such a boring disaster?
it's all proof read, edit, return to sender
you coulda been somebody, coulda been a contender
it's all rows, columns, figures and microsoft word
life forgot about you, or hadnt you heard?
it's all select, copy, paste, double click, repeat
children could have thrown fresh roses at your feet
it's all cubicles, screen savers and water coolers
some men are born slaves and others, to be rulers
it's all small talk, gossip, flat jokes and stale breath
you think anyone will mourn your death?

It's everything you hoped you would never become
it's the soulless survival to which you succumb
it's the small checks that sidestep you into the taxman's pocket
it's the plight of the pencil pushing prophet.

Trapped in hypothetical nostalgia

Trapped in hypothetical nostalgia,
I get no rest. Is it self induced,
this hypochondriacal cardialgia
stray memories of you have produced?
Haunted right down to my dubious core
by your disarming, incessant laughter
that heals me of each self-inflicted sore.
Banished to an imagined hereafter,
caught in a bliss that never did exist;
yet i can not long for liberation
for the mind is moot should the heart resist;
you're the price of my self-revelation.

A discarded man of baseless morals
dreaming sparkling diamonds out of corals.




You almost always know after you've met someone that they are not "the one". Sometimes you settle for them because you're tired of looking, alotta people are brave enough to keep searching and get lucky. I wrote this for the only person I ever met and let pass me by that I am still not sure about.

The myth

Look at the sheer size of my hand
you see where I'm going with this
forget the parts of me you dont understand
I am built like a pumped up fist.

I'm Johnny Love-god-sex-machine
the ladies call me J.L. Sweet
cos I knock them right off their feet
and onto their backside
for that last ride
to pleasure paradise.

Walls crumble when we tumble
they call it disturbing the peace
for anyone that may doubt me in the least
one glance at my pedigree and all doubts cease.

I'm Johnny Love-god-sex-machine
the ladies call me J.L. Quiver
cos I make them shiver
in places they didnt know they had sensations
I am discovering and conquering entire nations.

They've tried and tried to dispell the myth
i exist in flesh and bone
I make them moan and groan
as we align our chakras all night long.

I'm Johnny Love-god-sex-machine
the ladies call me J.L. Butter
I make them stutter
like their mamas didnt teach them to speak
they break into tongues as they hit their peak
I'm the Love-god, the sex machine, the super freak.

The Arsonist

Careful, Massa, you push real hard,
why you treat me like I is retard?
I work good, Massa, I pick your cotton,
I no sing sad songs, I be forgotten.

Each time, Massa, each time you push,
I hear the voice of the burning bush,
but I no say nothing, I pick your cotton,
I no sing sad songs, I go rotten.

The voice, He hear me cryin' out,
He ask me what I cry about,
I no have rest, I pick your cotton,
I no sing sad songs, I hit the bottom.

The voice, He tell me be prepared,
the night is falling, I no be scared,
He tell me now sing what I desire,
wake up, Massa, your cotton catch fire.

The face of transition.

Take note that when i look at you
all I see are broken dreams,
tattered remnants of the hell you put me through,
with split ends and open seams.

Your bitterness has left you deformed,
I get sick just being in your presence,
like all the self-pity within me is reborn
along with everything else unpleasant.

What happened to who you hoped to be?
I dont believe you were always this impaired;
I get nauseous knowing that you're close to me,
thinking of the past we shared.

In fact, I think you're the devil
envelopping all around you in tragedy,
my hatred has never reached this level;
I wonder what relationship you ever had with me.

It disgusts me for us to occupy the same space
and I would heave if you got any nearer;
Oh! how I've come to truly despise your face
yet I can't look away from this mirror.


*So, a little dose of self deprecation. In truth, this heat made me feel really crappy and it distorted my reflection in the mirror summoning the memory of one of my favourite passages that i found when i googled "the saddest poem in the world.":

"I, Lais,
dedicate this mirror to Aphrodite.
For it will not show me as I was,
and I will not look upon myself as I am."
-Plato.

Merci, Zizou.

We will never be here again
time is no longer your friend
from here on out, we see things through
victory depends on you
So play with all you've got
this is your one and only shot
in 4 years you'll have gone rotten
life's too short to die forgotten.

Here is where men become kings
so forget about everything
you and the ball are perfect
show them one last time you're worth it
Show them Zizou is the champ
no more room for aches or cramps
in 4 years you'll have gone rotten
life's too short to die forgotten.

Let go of your numbing fears
give them blood and sweat and tears
let glory carry you unto the skies
the legend is born, the hero dies
Make their women throw you bizous
the only name they'll chant is Zizou's
in 4 years you'll have gone rotten
life's too short to die forgotten.

No one knows what history remembers
will you burn away and be lost to the embers
or will your name last an eternity
through this game of universal fraternity
They will say Zizou blessed this sport
this is my love, my thanks and support
for all the dreams that you've begotten
gone, retired but never forgotten.

Coat of Ash

He finds the silly old photograph in the fire place,
lost and buried in painful ashes;
something about the coat in the picture-
what is it that he can't understand?

He catches a glimpse of who he was
and starts to recognise
familiarity in the eyes
but he can not trust what he sees.

All he believes is the coat.

He can not take his eyes off it,
this old friend from another life;
the ivory buttons, the suede leather,
his history starts to come together.

Why does this strange coat warm his heart
with emotion that is no stranger?
A warmth that spreads across his existance,
melting away chains of conditioning
until he can not hold back any longer-

he lets himself remember.

This used to be his drinking coat,
then too-short blanket, then sinking float;
this very same coat that he wears today,
in ghostly tatters, weathered away.

Together, they've lived through each incarnation
if only so he should never forget this incantation:

Simply to give a man his coat back
does not rid him of his pains
for no matter how empty the coat rack,
the man inside forever remains.


A more fitting tribute to the late great Mr. Levi.

Tribute to Primo Levi's "If this is a man"

Consider if this is a man
who can not remember his home,
he works and sleeps,
he exists.
He is a cart-horse, this man,
who never questions a task;
the man has only one face
and he is ashamed to recognise it.

Tell me that this is a man,
with stolen scraps for shoes,
whose heart is warmed by cold porridge,
he breathes.
He has no shadow, this man,
they have taken everything from him;
his body can not understand fatigue
even as it breaks apart.

It is a sad and painful thing to look at this man
knowing he once held his freedom in his hands.


I just read "If this is a man" by Primo Levi, a great and absorbing book about the mass dehumanisation of Jews in Auschwitz and the incredible survival of a few unbreakable spirits. Surprisingly, it doesnt bash the nazis as you'd expect it to.

My wedding vows

I thought i wouldn't know what to say
infront of everyone on this stressful day;
but no stress, no fear or angst, no doubt:
you're simply all i cant live without.

Damn! ...you look insanely fine,
every inch of you is some unique design,
i just wanna have you, right here, in front of all the guests,
grab that sweet ass and bury my head in your -

Oops; i'm sorry, i'd even begun to drool;
i warned you that you'd be marrying a fool,
but the luckiest fool on the entire planet,
let's hurry this up so we can get down on it!

For serious, girl, you are lookin' all kinds of tight
and i promise i'm a represent at least twice a night,
cos i've hit the jackpot without ever spendin a buck;
for real, let's slip outta here, go out back and just-

I can't believe i amlost said that in front of the priest,
let me wind up by saying, last but not least,
that i know i act crazy but this is my wedding vow:
I wasn't ready for love before you but i'm a prove i'm ready now.


This is for my girl that's getting married in July. Cant believe it, Bella, but i'm incredibly happy for you. And insanely jealous! Thanx for not doing it in Vegas. Mad monkey love.

Tribute to Hugh Mearn's classic.

These 2 are mine:

"He lost himself inside my head,
amongst dreams i could not follow,
the inner child i thought was dead;
hope to see him tomorrow. "

and you know this one has happened to you:

"Flushed away to another world,
drowning in the toilet swirl,
words of wisdom i should have known:
miss the call or lose the phone!"

Okay, here is the Hugh Mearn's classic that inspired it all ( for me, at least):

"As i was walking up the stair,
i met a man who wasn't there,
he wasn't there again today,
i wish, i wish he'd go away."

The last known photo of Gavrilo Princip.

I'm sick of digging their roads and ditches,
today i'll show those sons of bitches,
i'll put their callous tyranny to sleep;
all of Europe's going to weep.

At last there's a fire in my heart
though the rest of me should fall apart,
i'll know my death has left a stain;
Petar, forgive me for the pain.

Marija, i'll be the last child you forget,
this young Bosniak is far too upset
to spend another day coughing blood;
Europe's tears will cause a flood.

My hand has turned the darkest black ;
watch me pull off my sneak attack,
watch me slip right under their fat noses,
i'll bury them in their wine and roses.

Seventeen years of this disease,
today i'll bring Europe to it's knees,
two shots for all their future sins;
this is where the war begins.

So, quick! take your silly photograph,
they'll look back on it but they wont laugh,
they'll know my face and recall my name;
Europe will never again be the same.


Special Thanks to Iwaya who's insightful blog brought Gavrilo's story to my attention with this post: http://madandcrazy.blogspot.com/2006/05/gavrilo.html

Devotion.

Its not easy to be such a mess,
a neverending work in progress;
there are days i'm so close to deflating
but somehow i end up just waiting.

I'm so far off the track it's funny,
but life cant be just about the money,
so much time i spend debating
that somehow i end up just waiting.

Why can't i just be one of the pack,
and just unleash my daddy mack?
i really should be out there mating
but somehow i end up just waiting.

Even when all the elements are aligned,
when any other man would jump in blind,
when their arms are more than accomdating,
somehow i end up just waiting.

There's so much more that i can be;
gotta rid myself of this debris,
cos it's for you i'm self-creating
so somehow i end up just waiting.

I sometimes wish i could believe
that contentment was all i would achieve,
that you're not even worth contemplating
but somehow i end up just waiting.

I don't know how i know i'm right
why i fight temptation with all my might
cos at times it gets real frustrating, true,
but i know you're out there, just waiting too.

paranoia

No one would ever question the facts,
the events were deemed "best forgotten",
for they were such heartbreaking acts
to befall that young couple, newly betrothen.

Twas the landlord's son who made the find
while investigating an odour from their room
2 young bodies morbidly entwined
their apartment had become their tomb.

A suicide note was found without hassle
clutched firmly in the dead grip of her hand:
"Every man wants to believe he's king of his castle
and every woman, the most beautiful in the land."

"Kiss in the dark"

You bring out the animal in me
like a raging rhino stung by a bee
like a pack of dogs that piss when they bark,
so how about a kiss in the dark?

You love to play this silly game,
with you it's always been the same:
a moment of romantic bliss and a spark,
so why not a kiss in the dark?

I wanted you by the sycamore
and then again on the kitchen floor,
you laughed and did that and this in the start,
but what's a kiss in the dark?

Do we really need the moonlit walk?
Let's just ignore the pulpit talk;
we've already shared a pack of chips in the park
so where's the kiss in the dark?

She'll never be privy to this information,
not from any strung out conversation,
not from some oddly amiss remark,
so what's a kiss in the dark?

The truth is i'm just talking big,
deep down you know i'm just a kid;
I'd probably fumble and miss in the dark
but it'd still be a kiss to the heart.

The Insomniac (Family Unit, Voice 3).

I glance over at your side of the bed:
empty,... you're still not here;
a collision of thoughts run through my head,
not the least of which is blinding fear.

I'm just not ready to be a dad,
how can you want me as i am?
Forget the good times that we had;
i'm too young and selfish to give a damn!

We can't make the huge mistake
of bringing a child into this life;
i lie in our bed, wide awake,
and, for a second, picture you as my wife.

No! this is not who i'm meant to be!
i'm a one man island, bloody Ibiza!
i've got the passport to all i want to see
now you're trying to revoke my visa.

A bottle of pills couldnt bring me rest,
not when i know i've done the things i did;
it's clear now but who'd have guessed
that deep down, i'm still just a kid?

I wish i'd said something to put you at ease,
this must be a lonely hell for you,
instead i acted like you'd caught some disease;
i just didnt know what to do.

Maybe we could somehow make this work
if it's not too late to set things straight;
i wish i hadnt been such a jerk,
all i can do now is lie here and wait.

I trace the line where you'd place your head,
say my prayers and hope for sleep;
glancing at your empty side of the bed,
i lie awake all night, counting sheep.

The Confessor (Family Unit, Voice 2).

She arrives worn out by the news
and stumbles weakly into the booth;
she'll have to put up with all their views
and find sanctuary in knowing the truth.

There is no priest to hear her confession
and it feels like this could be her last,
clearing her conscience has turned to obsession
but she's felt this way in the past.

The stained glass windows reflect no light,
only the fading glow of a single candle,
casting playful shadows against the night,
stirring fears she can barely handle.

She falls to her knees in vigorous prayer
warding off the hollow disillusion,
the guilt grows inside her, too much to bear
she loses herself in childhood delusion.

One memory plays after another,
she blocks it out but the visions persist:
the repeated image of her childless mother,
she passes out and begins to un-exist.

She's lost in a far and timeless place
where the homeless souls find retreat;
it's a truth she can choose to deny or embrace
as she draws closer to self-defeat.

But she's often struggled with her belief
and knows to hold back her death rattle;
she recovers with a calm and numbing relief:
one more day, one more battle.

*Greatly inspired by a discussion with my Skater Girl.-*

The Philanthropist (Family Unit, Voice 1).

Offer me a place to hide,
let me be your wounded pride,
make my bad dreams go away;
awkward hugs are here to stay.

Raise me into your regret,
label me your unpaid debt,
hold me through my restless night,
let your comfort be my light.

Take me as i am, father,
you're the one that has to bother,
i didn't ask to be your understanding,
ofcourse i'm going to be demanding.

Yes, i expect for you to give
more than just enough for me to live,
it's gonna take some sacrifice,
but passion's got to bear a price.

So lay the world right at my feet,
responsibility, you can not cheat;
let me into your circle of trust,
love me, daddy, because you must.

The drunk goodbye.

I'm off to Las Vegas and it's for good,
been playing the stakes higher than i should,
I gambled my shadow right where i stood,
woulda tried abit harder if i thought i could.

I'm headed to Vegas but before i leave,
i want your name to be the last breath i breathe:
i'm gonna win it all back, babe, cos i believe;
let that reassurance to you be the last i deceive.

I'm going to Las Vegas and i wont be back.
Whatever the stakes, never fold your right to be black;
i leave you all my chips though it's no big stack:
my life silently switched to the side B track.

I'm on my way to Vegas cos it's in my stars,
whatever you do, dont let them see your cards,
dont lose yourself to loose women in loose bars;
I'm 'a win it back, babe: our house, our love, our cars.

It's off to Las Vegas and then it's done,
you're the only jackpot i ever won,
but i lost this race even before it begun;
gonna win it all back, babe, gonna be number one.

I'm leaving for Vegas but first i'll say:
just ignore Frank, don't do things my way,
don't hitchhike your way through life on the highway;
take care of yourself, i love ya, goodbye babe.